More to Gay Life Than Sex
20.November, 2009
Are all gay men just superficial disco bunnies with only one thing on their minds? The mass media would certainly have you believe that is so, and with figure heads such as Boy George and Julian Clary, who can blame the public for going along with this idea. Of course, straight acting gay men are just harder to detect. So homophobes continue with their prejudices and the 21st century, thinking gay man gets very lonely wondering where all the men like him are! How, then, do intelligent professional gay men meet each other? There are thousands of clubs and pubs, dating agencies and personal ads for cruising purposes, but it can be extremely difficult to meet professional gay friends for purely social purposes, where a deeper relationship may develop. This is where the gay dining club comes to the rescue. I recently tried Out & Out, London’s longest established dining club for professional gay men and was amazed at how civilized an evening with 40 gay men could be.
Out & Out was started by the disarmingly charming and truly scrumptious Julia Melinek. Eleven years ago, opera singer Julia (she’s sung Madam Butterfly for English National Opera) and fellow warbler, Mark Glanville (more recently the author of best – selling book The Goldberg Variations) realised that they were so good at organising dinner parties for gay colleagues that they might as well do it professionally. As Out & Out, they booked a stand at a Gay lifestyle exhibition at Earl’s Court and pretty much became an instant success. Today they’re the biggest dining club for professional gay men in the UK, with a membership that sometimes hits a thousand. They are not just another gay dating service in London. Through the gay dining club format, members can meet new friends, network professionally and chat without any of the posing and cruising obligations of the scene.
How did they do it? Professional fag hag (it’s her description) Julia reckons that, as far as social skills are concerned, “you’re born that way.” But she likens her table – hopping duties at Out & Out functions to those of the circus plate spinner, forever dashing to give the plate at the end another twirl. Having seen her in action, I can confirm that, like the guy with the plates, she performs apparently effortlessly. But what is it with Julia and gay men? “There’s a special relationship between straight women and gay men,” she explains. “It’s like the girlie friendship, opposite sexes getting on with each other without the sexual tension.” The personal touch extends to communications with the Out & Out office. There are no mail-shots. Julia and Mark can spend eight hours a day on the phone, telling members about upcoming lunches and dinners, plus other events including theatre visits, foreign trips and boat cruises. Clearly the label âGay Dining Club’ only reveals part of the picture as members use the club for professional networking purposes, expanding their social horizons, debates, message posting and of course, inevitably, for gay dating.
But, ultimately, is it all about sex? Surprisingly, no. “It’s far less a sexual thing than the scene,” says Julia. I accepted an invitation to the gallery bar of the Cross Keys, a beautiful old pub in Chelsea, where Out & Out celebrated Valentine’s Day. The mix of men was much as Julia had described, all ages, classes and races, but “the common denominator is intelligence, those who enjoy a dinner party atmosphere as opposed to posing and cruising.”
After a 17 year relationship broke up, lawyer David T found it very difficult to “let loose” again. “In the bars I was very conscious of being older,” he told me, “but here, as you can see, the age range is very wide.” At Out & Out he has made a lot of gay friends, some men he now sees independently. What about romance? None as yet. David feels that Out & Out is primarily a social group. But then I met David L and William R who have been together for three years after meeting at an Out & Out function. “Jules is very good at judging,” said David. “She sits people next to each other if she thinks they’re going to get on. With us, she got it right.” “I didn’t want a gay dating agency when I joined Out and Out,” said William “I was far more interested in networking with professional gay men and meeting new friends….but then I met David, and the rest is history!”
Now David is trying to get William to County Hall! “We’ll invite Mark and Jules,” David promised.
Pankaj Mohan
http://www.articlesbase.com/sexuality-articles/more-to-gay-life-than-sex-55292.html
14.March, 2009 um 3:20 pm
Who decides who’s lives are more valuable than others? Is one life really worth more than others?
This is a complicated series of questions I do not understand..
Why do some perfectly nice people die? Why do mean people get to live? Who decided these things?
Is one life really worth more than others?
To Look What I Can Do…
How do you know what a right decision is? How does that affect your life? Who takes note of it and shortens/lengthens your life according to it?
14.March, 2009 um 8:22 pm
you’re asking someone to, in a sense, play God.
“the good die young” - sometimes, it’s to teach a lesson and try to change those who maybe shouldn’t have lived.
all lives are equal and worth the same
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14.March, 2009 um 8:24 pm
of what value are they to WHO is the real question… doctors are forced to make these kinds of decisions all the time… woman and children first…
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14.March, 2009 um 8:26 pm
The practical answer is yes, some lives are worth more than others, literally.
There are even people who work this out for a living, they are called actuaries.
When someone is injured or killed in an accident they figure out how much they are worth, and pay accordingly.
It hasn’t got to do with how nice they are.
All people die, its just a matter of when, good, bad, nice, not so nice.
I’ve often thought that mean people are so miserable that its not a blessing for them to live a long time.
Like a prisoner, condemned to life in prison they exist, but there is no joy.
That’s got to be worse than just dying, especially if they believe in heaven.
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14.March, 2009 um 8:28 pm
You are the one that makes your decisions.
Each person on the planet makes their decisions daily.
Some people decide right, some decide wrong.
Society is a group of people who decide the same.
To be successful, a society chooses mostly right.
You decide by your actions, your vote, your person,
who is in, or not in, your society.
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14.March, 2009 um 8:30 pm
No, I don’t think so. Just because someone has more money or status or whatever doesn’t make them better than anyone else. We are all equal souls. God doesn’t judge that way. We’re here to teach others by example, and others are here to teach us. That bum on the street might be there for you to learn compassion. If certain people are annoying, ignore them, it’s better than being one of them.
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14.March, 2009 um 8:32 pm
Lets look at it this way. You are the witness of a terrorist pointing a gun at a doctor who just discovered a cure for cancer and he has all this information in his head and hasn’t told anyone yet but you. The terrorist is going to kill this doctor unless you intervene using deadly force. You and you alone have to decide what to do. In effect, you have to decide who lives or dies. At first glance you instinctively aim your gun at the terrorist because you think that he deserves to die and the doctor should live. This is a moral question and afterall, morality is nothing more than the ability to tell right from wrong and the courage to act on it. To answer your question more fully, society gets to decide who lives or dies by the people we elect into office because they are the ones who write the laws so in the long run you decide who lives or dies. It kind of makes this up coming election a little more important. Good luck.
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14.March, 2009 um 8:34 pm
Nice people die because they are nice people. They have standards they will not compromise even unto death. Mean people live because they will do anything to live. To each is the choice, no one person or thing decides.
Yes, one life is more valuable than another. However……
Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. For not even the wise cannot see all ends.
— Gandalf the Grey (LOTR - Tolkien)
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14.March, 2009 um 8:36 pm
Some people die for no reason. Mean people get to live because they have not commited suicide. I have decided these things and I am not even here. All lives are worth more than others.
Your question is worthless so i will give you a worthless answer and then i will give you this.
Why do you worry of these things when there are so many beautiful roses to smell. Right now step outside and take a deep breath and observe how it feels inside of you. Or wreak havoc on your own mind worrying about answers to questions of which if you ever had the right answers you could do nothing to change any of those things.
Choice’s are
-smell some flowers = Heaven.
-torture thy self = Hell.
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